It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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