Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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