My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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