This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize