apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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