If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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