This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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