Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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