Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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