I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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