Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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