"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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