I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
