i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
