the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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