I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize