i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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