I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize