...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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