I want to make a zoo with you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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