Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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