Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
