??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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