I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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