she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize