roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize