I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize