If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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