My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize