New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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