whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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