Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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