a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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