beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize