i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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