so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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