It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize