you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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