Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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