piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize