I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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