i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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