If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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