I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Shame is for Republicans.
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