mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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