Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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