My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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