fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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