I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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