got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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