ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize